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遠慮 enryo
Holding back so nobody feels bad.
What does enryo mean?
Taking the smaller piece, refusing the first offer, never grabbing the last dumpling. Hosts have to insist you stop doing it, and 遠慮します is also a gentle no.
Example
遠慮しないでどんどん食べてね。
Don't hold back, help yourself to plenty.
Vibe
Who you can say this to, and how it lands.
Safe to use Fine in ordinary conversation.
The story behind enryo
The characters say distant thought, and in classical Chinese usage that meant foresight, thinking far ahead. Japanese bent it inward. Now it is the small self-editing you perform so nobody else feels awkward: taking the smaller slice, refusing the first offer once, letting the boss order first. Enryo shimasu is also the softest no in the language.
The purest specimen is the last dumpling on the shared plate, which everybody wants and nobody takes. Kansai speakers call that one the enryo no katamari, the lump of restraint. Hosts have to fight it actively, which is why enryo shinaide, please do not hold back, gets said roughly six times per dinner party.
Get enryo in your pocket
遠慮 is one of 308 words in YABAI, a Japanese culture snack for Android. Every word comes with its meaning, an example sentence, a vibe check and a story like the one above — in 13 languages, read aloud by your device. Paid app: no ads, no sign-up, no subscription.
